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Advice for Lovers

By Daniela Thomas for Boston Compass (#126)

August 31, 2020

Q: What is the best way to deal with codependency while still being in a relationship? Or do you have to leave a relationship and work on your codependency alone?

A: Battling codependency while maintaining a relationship is a juggle but possible. It could be helpful to work on during a relationship because it allows you to PRACTICE and not just say “ok, this is what I would do”. Being open and conscious of your codependency with your partner/s is a good step. I suggest making a list of what you need to regain yourself as a human. Explore where the root of these beliefs came from—how did your family dynamics play a role in this development? If you and your partner/s are on the same page then you can recognize enabling behaviors together and actively stomp them out. Reassure each other that there will be things being worked on and it is for strengthening your bond, not for weakening. Think about exercising hard boundaries—and know that saying “no” isn’t mean. Remember that you are in control of yourself and you have wants and needs separately than your partner/s. Remember that your partner/s have wants and needs and they are their own person. —xoxo Heart Soaked

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