ADVICE FOR LOVERS

By : Daniela Thomas

2 min read


Q: How do I stop falling for people who don’t have the capacity to love me?

A: What we are typically attracted to can sometimes reveal things about ourselves that we might have overlooked. In this case, falling for people that aren’t necessarily giving us what we need may be a sign that we aren’t quite ready for the level of intimacy that we think we are. It could be an accommodation we secretly created to restrict and protect ourselves. Maybe you are only accustomed to giving love and care for someone and reciprocation would muddy the situation. Do you feel you want it in return? Do you believe you deserve it? Are you ready for it if it were to come? On the other side of things- what is the emotional availability of the other party? The word “capacity” here seems a bit over the top- sometimes we have to accept the idea that we can’t be everybody’s cup of tea. Unrequited love is a pain that can hit deep and bypasses the notion that we can just love people without reciprocation and that is just as beautiful. -xoxo @heart.soaked


* Originally published in-print in Boston Compass Newspaper #144 March 2022

 

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