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Advice for Lovers: Falling For A Friend

By Heart Soaked for Boston Compass (#124)

July 1, 2020

Q: I have a friend. We both admitted to having feelings for the other, yet he doesn’t want anything serious. I suggested friends with benefits, but he told me he can’t do it anymore because he’d rather stay friends, and now we aren’t easily friends. What to do?

A: The declaration that he'd “rather stay friends'' is irrelevant - both parties have shared feelings of more. I think that is a way of avoiding what is inevitably going to happen for two people who feel deeply for each other, especially if you are already friends and hanging out. Maybe there should be a visit into the meaning of "friends'' and what the motives of staying in the safe zone are. Typically someone would want to remain friends and put brakes on something more as a protection plan. There is no backtracking once you "catch the feels'' for somebody. You can't simply undo it unless you have impeccable self control or something distasteful happens. In my experience: attraction grows. Then there is sort of a light at the end of the tunnel that causes a break in that attraction, and from there you either forfeit the relationship or continue because the thing weighs less.

—xoxo Heart Soaked

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