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Advice for Lovers: Seasons of Love

By Daniela Thomas for Boston Compass (#130)

January 25, 2021

Q: Is it realistic to love someone 100% all the time or is it more likely we have seasons of love?

A: Love can be there even when it isn’t felt front and center. I don’t think love should necessarily be a constant feeling. There is a course it takes. Falling in love and being in love are different feelings. To get semi-scientific on you- over time our brains become less receptive to the chemicals released during infatuation. It has been talked about that infatuation can last up to three years and then there can be a decline in what we FEEL. That doesn’t mean you aren’t loving the other 100% of the time it just means your brain isn’t responding to it’s natural stimulants the way it used to. After infatuation you have presumably developed attachment. You are bonded and that is beautiful but may not FEEL as exhilarating as it used to. This is why there are all of those cheesy resources of how to get the “spark” back in your love life. When attachment forms your chemical response to love is a different kind of high. It is calming and comforting vs. at first with infatuation as excitement.

Xoxo — Heart Soaked


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