By Daniela Thomas for Boston Compass (#127)
September 29, 2020
Q: So I recently broke up with my fiancé... it’s been about a month now and my closest friends and family know about it. I haven't told my more estranged dad and his side of the family and they’ve recently been asking about me and my ex-partner. I don’t really know how to handle telling them because I’m doing really well and my chosen family trusts me, but my other bio fam is really complicated. It's gonna be a thing where they all check up on me and position me as sad and a victim. How do I tell them? So far I’ve just ignored it…
A: This is a situation that calls for the ol’ rip-off-the-bandaid method. For anything having to do with relationships— the longer you ignore the worse it is going to get, whether we are talking about communication with your family or just basic things with a partner. Because your family seems to be inquiring, and there is a conversation set up to mention what is going on, it may be easier than you think compared to if you had to bring it up yourself. I don’t know the details of your bio fam’s dynamic with you but it’s okay to speak confidently, explain yourself, and lay a line down. Maybe you don’t want too many questions involving the details or your feelings but be sure to give them security with the information you deliver. Set your boundaries and plead the 5th if it gets wild.
— xoxo Heart Soaked